Never go to the stationery store again!

 

As requested, here’s how to make an envelope from a random or not so random piece of paper. At the end, you will also be able to make a re-moistenable glue recipe for sealing the envelope! This “not so secret trade-secret” was used in my greeting card set that is currently featured at jeanfitz.etsy.com.

First off, put your ruler away. Just some scrap paper, scissors and good ole school glue is all you need to start. Just as I dislike using measuring cups in such recipes like my intuitive hummus, I also dislike using rulers to make paper stuff. A lack of a ruler builds character.

1.) First, figure out what it is you want to envelop (Greeting card, folded letter, etc.) and have it on hand. You will use it to gauge the size of your envelope. Gauge, not measure!  2.) Now, figure out what you want the envelope to be made out of…your 2nd grade report card, your parking ticket, sheet music, or my personal favorite: old maps. Tear a magazine page or snatch that pretty wallpaper sample. It’s more pleasurable to open an envelope made out of a stronger/thicker paper then the item you’re enveloping so choose wisely.

3.)Figure out which side is the prettiest or what you want to show on the outside and turn that face down. Place your card or item you’re choosing to envelop on top of the envelope sheet. Turn it at an angle so that all four corners are within the boundaries of your bottom sheet. It should be as centered as possible but don’t worry about perfection, that’s for those ruler toting folks. Ick! 4.) Now fold and crease each triangle corner up to the edges of your card. Yes, flush with the edge…almost as if it was, ahem, the ruler. Remove the card from inside and open your four flaps.

5. This is the tricky part. Use scissors to cut out each corner where the flaps overlapped. (See picture. I’ve colored in black marker where you should cut.) The creases will also guide you. I like to cut a curved shape so it looks more envelope-y. Make sure you don’t cut past where the folds come to a corner. That is the corner of your envelope…unless, of course, you’re being artsy and want exposed corners. By all means, rebel.

6. Then I figure out which flap is going to be the flap that opens and which 3 flaps will be sealed. I place a thin line of glue on the edges of the three bottom flaps that overlap. Don’t use too much glue and don’t glue your envelope shut! Sometimes I trim the pointed edges to center the flaps and make it look even. Just do what feels right. I also slide the card in to ensure my proper size is in tact and that I wasn’t folding, cutting and gluing for 3 minutes in vain.

While this is drying, you can prepare another great recipe. Homemade re-moistenable glue! The stuff you lick to seal the deal! And we can make it taste good! You will need to have some Gelatin (I have the Knox brand) on hand (1/4oz), sugar (1tbsp), some water (1/4 cup), and maybe some food flavoring/essential oil (1tsp). The sweet basil I used is lick-tastic! I have no cognitive dissonance whatsoever about using gelatin- which is ground up cow hooves and other animal tissues- and still claiming my vegetarianism. Fact: I won’t eat flesh but I’ll lick cow feet. If there is a vegan re-moistenable glue you can make at home, please tell me!

I use the double boiler method to make my glue.

To keep your leftover glue for next time, I mix all the above ingredients together in a margarine container or other disposable plastic.  Boil water in a pan big enough to let the container float inside.  Gelatin becomes solid quickly when it cools off so I take the whole pan over to my envelope workstation while it’s still warm and gooey. Mind the strange glue smell, just tell people it’s an art thing and they’ll nod silently and leave you alone. Re-heat your double boiler pan again if it hardens. Take a small paintbrush and apply the glue to the edge of the opened flap.  Voila!

Be sure to let everything dry thoroughly before stacking them up!

You only need to make a little batch of this stuff so don’t start boiling your water and then walk away like I do and check your blog stats and completely forget what it is you’re making and find an empty pan of steam 15 minutes later.

Happy Envelope Making! And if you put crazy flavoring in the glue, inform your licker…or not.

 

Stovetop Potpourri

I’m trying to do little winter remedies like, organizing my iTunes categories, lining up my jars of paintbrushes in really straight lines on my desk but not actually painting with them, and contemplating how dry and gross everything is in winter. (I received a radio-controlled clock for Christmas that displays the temperature and the humidity indoors.) I have never been so conscious of my temperature and humidity levels. This is like looking up symptoms on WebMD and realizing that you have 4 fatal illnesses. Apparently I have alarmingly low levels of humidity in the apartment so I’m making something that could help, at least psychologically.

Simmering spices!

Take a big pot and place it on top of the part of the stove where the flames come out…Dump a lot of water inside the pot. Then dump a lot of spices inside. If you are listening to winter-defiant music, the spices are more likely to come alive. Let the pot just simmer with the spices in there: Lots of cloves, cinnamon, nutmeg, anise seed, (okay, I didn’t have anise seed so I put coriander in there because apparently coriander has anise seed in it somewhere,) oh! and put ground up ginger in there, too. I hear orange peels are good but I don’t have any. Get in touch with the right side of you brain (not to mention your slumbering sense of smell) by shaking it in there until it feels right and then stop. Do NOT take out measuring spoons. Spices hate it when you measure them.

Fill the pot with more water as needed. I hear you can use this same pot of spices for up to a week. Lather moisturizing lotion on your hands, sip hydrating herbal tea, and stare at the clock as the humidity levels rise.

 

First off, feel good hummus

I think it was John Cage who said, “Not knowing where to begin is a form of paralysis. Begin anywhere.” So that’s where we’ll begin.

I made hummus yesterday for the soul collage group (more on that another day) that comes over every other Sunday. I’ve been making this hummus in its current form for several years and don’t remember ever using any measuring tool for god knows how long. This might go a little like those grade school assignments where you had to write out a how -to manual for something useless using appropriate grammar. First, you gather your ingredients, Furthermore, you spread the peanut butter onto one piece of bread…..Finally, you eat your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Yum!

With that fine primary education under my belt, here goes how-to hummus-

I like to use the larger 29oz. can of garbanzo beans/chick peas. You can buy them cheaply from Chicago’s finest: Harvestime foods on Lawrence, just west of Western. You can also use 2 smaller 16oz cans. This would cost you about 40 cents more than the big can and that’s just a sin. But I won’t judge; you’re already saving heaps by not buying the tiny preservative-ridden store bought containers at outrageous prices. Since they’re already soaked and need no cooking, open a small hole in the can and drain the water out. Then open it completely and dump them happily into the food processor. In no particular order, drizzle tahini paste (ground sesame seeds found in the Mediterranean aisle) into the processor. Then drizzle olive oil in there, too. I don’t know the difference between extra virgin and the unchaste stuff, so pour some slutty oil in there. Maybe two tablespoons? Pour in what feels right. I’m serious. Then take 2 or 3 cloves of garlic, and take off its skin. Throw them in there and let them get chopped up. Don’t be afraid of garlic! It’s great for the immune system and makes you feel alive in more pores then usual. Pour in about a quarter cup of lemon juice. You can always pour more as you go if it’s too stiff or dry.

This is where it gets really fun: Add these spices in whatever amount the spirit moves you to shake in there….cumin, coriander, paprika, salt. I like to make a dusting all around the surface of the mixture already sitting in the processor. Paprika is a good red color. Fresh parsley is the best but I rarely remember to pick it up at the store so I have stale Jewel brand parsley flakes sitting in the cupboard…possibly from two roommates ago. The parsley is purely for color quality now as I think plastic confetti has more flavor at this point. Shake that parsley in there very liberally, like you’d want to vote for Kucinich again. Or for you foodies (who are gagging reading this) get your damn fresh parsley and toss in the whole leaves and stems.

Now if you’re like me, you dropped your food processor from the top of the cabinets and the lid is cracked. So lock everything into place and cup your hand over the huge crack so hummus doesn’t take flight in your kitchen. Let her chop away until it is a creamy smooth paste. Because color counts, dust that paprika on your finished product and maybe drizzle more olive oil. Pretend you own a Lebanese restaurant as you cut tomato wedges and display them artistically around the perimeter of the bowl. Dip with crackers, pita, carrots, etc. If it’s lacking something, add more of one of the above ingredients in an intuitive, one-with-the-universe, manner.