I Cut Wood Like a Girl.

I used to have this great fear of the wood shop in college. I also hated walking into lumber yards. They still have that “good ole boys” feel to them that makes me and my gender feel small. However much it has been in my head, I’ve had to learn how to overcome it because, frankly, I needed to use the tools to build my painting surfaces. I realized I still had some power tool anxiety when this fellow artist dude at my last art exhibit commented on the construction of my frames. (I build the backings to all my paintings.)He said that the miter saw would give me more accurate cuts. I chatted with him how I make them with my little jigsaw and make the best of it. He then says: “But, um, I guess your wood cuts have a certain charm.”

Translation: You saw like a girl.

I grinned and nodded and then vowed that no good ole boy was going to be able to say that to me again. Take back the power in your power tools, my friends!

Enter Jean’s very own miter saw. I am playing with my new great tool: the mighty miter saw. Forty-five degree angles are so sweet. I don’t know why it took so long for me to get myself this machine. It’s a new day for me and the miter saw. Stay tuned for some out of this world wood construction!

 

Freedom of the Press

This past summer I made a homemade press using a car bottlejack, assembling some pieces of wood and metal–not without spending hours walking in circles in the black hole that can be Home Depot–and expending a little sawing sweat. I’m very proud of this DIY project (care of an article in the intermittantly useful magazine Readymade.) I’ve done a couple basic linoleum prints just trying it out but I’m ready to roll up my sleeves and really start squishing things. I’ve contemplated all things around my home that could be pressed…a soda can, apples into cider!, grapes into wine!…well, that’s a stretch), handbound books pressed together,…or the mother of all printing adventures…old school letterpress.

I took a mini 2-day workshop in the Letterpress studio at Columbia College recently. Their presses are probably from the 1920’s and were manufactured by a company named Vandercook. I learned such cute terms as quoin and quoin keys and composing sticks and arranging furniture around your type. I knew I was in the right place when someone went to the trouble of making a rubbing of Vandercook’s grave in a nearyby cemetery and then displaying it on the studio wall. Letterpress and Gravestones: my passions collide!

This relatively new process (to me) was invented (at least in the West) by good ole Gutenburg in the 1500s using a wine press similar to the one I have. Long live the freedom of the press! Sweet sweet mass produced prints for the masses. So if you see some antique letterpress equipment in a local store or you’re trying to get it off your hands, let me help you! Calling all letterpress equipment!

I am slowly acquiring my own letterpress equipment in my own space and I’ll keep you updated on this crazy project!

 

How to Make a Mullet

Michael is headed to NASCAR this weekend and we wanted to make sure his passport to Indiana was in order. We were ready to begin after intense research over at the excellent website: http://mulletsgalore.com/

mullet: noun 1. a chiefly marine fish that is widely caught for food. 2. a hairstyle in which the hair is cut short at the front and sides and left long in back.

Jean: “So, Mikey, you want it short in the front and long in the back, right?” Michael: “Yeah, I wanna Mullet!”

I have never cut anyone’s hair before so a mullet request made me extra nervous. I’ve been told I have “hands of gold” with other craft projects, so why wouldn’t it extend to the realm of mullet art? Tools required: Scissors and maybe a comb. The toilet as barber’s chair will suffice. My technique was based largely on how I’ve observed hairdressers cut hair. I comb out a length of hair and grasp it between my index and middle finger. I snip across the top with the other hand. This creates an excellent textured effect if you grab small pieces at a time and work slowly around the top and sides of the head. Remember: you can’t rush perfection. We discussed how the mullet lifestyle is largely low maintenance so take special care in cutting off side hair that you would otherwise assume would be tucked behind the ear. Don’t assume gel or manual primping will keep stray strands at bay either. This is a mullet, ladies and gentleman. Notice the hair cutting form I use: raised elbows, hands kept within inches of head at all

times, basically intense mullet concentration.

Let’s get a good 360 degree look:

To add to the mullet-do, try on a handlebar mustache, like a little caterpillar reclining on his upper lip:

Do not confuse the handlebar with the closely related but culturally incompatible Fu Man Chu:

We noticed how Michael became more belligerent and turned from fine wine to corn whiskey as his hair got shorter and shorter up top.

The utterly convincing transformation has frightened me a little but Michael is surely ready for NASCAR now.

 

Stud Finder

After having the flu, there’s nothing like a little power drilling and funky hardware parts to get back in the game. I’d like to share an attempt at being handy, crafty, and full of girl power. There is this article in one of my favorite magazines: Readymade

It describes how to make a pot and pan hanger attached to the ceiling out of a bicycle wheel. Yes, my friends, it’s time to put that spare bicycle wheel hanging from YOUR kitchen window to use! I walked confidently over to the hardware store with my list of goodies because I was plumb out of carriage bolts:

• 4 3/8″ jam nuts
• 3/8″ coupling nut
• Fully threaded 3/8″ hanger bolt (half metal threads, half wood threads)
• 7″ x 3/8″ carriage bolt
• 2 3/8″ washers

At Ace Hardware, you have to ask a salesperson for the carriage bolt, the hanger bolt, the coupling nut and the jam nuts. They are not out on the shelf for you amateurs. (This also made me look like I already knew what a carriage bolt was because you HAVE to ask for them. It was so smooth.)

So I got everything and walked back home fantasizing about my bicycle wheel pot and pan hanger twirling round and round. I then did as Readymade magazine instructed: Took a wrench and tried taking the center long thingy out of the wheel. I pried and pried but it would not budge. I even enlisted my roommate to hold one end while gnawing away at the metal. Still no luck. What are you to do next? Why, go to your nearest lesbian-owned-and-operated bicycle co-op! That’s what! (Please support UPTOWN BIKES on Broadway!) After THEY broke their own wrench and somehow got it apart, I took the wheel home and continued being crafty.

THEN came the part where I had to find the ceiling joist. I took out the electronic stud finder [insert funny stud joke here] and watched the thing beep over every square inch of the ceiling. The whole ceiling is a giant stud! Sweet! So I started drilling a hole where the stud finder lit up and beeped like crazy. I hit some sheet metal, watched half the drywall crumble to the ground, and then clumsily inserted my spinning wheel contraption, hoping for the best.

Ladies and Gentleman, I put one pot on the rack and a few moments later, Crash! Boom! The whole contraption fell out of the ceiling. Alas, I was not a successful stud finder. In fact, I dented a frying pan in the process. Maybe Uptown Bikes can help me find a stud??? Does anyone have any stud finding tips? Yes, I’ll be the first to admit it: I’m using the internet to help me find a stud.