I love bad art.

I sent out an email to help ward off the creative block I was in a few weeks ago…

“here’s how it works:
i give you 3 abstract words and 3 concrete words and you make me a piece of art on a postcard size card and mail it to me. you interpret the words however you see fit and with me in mind. you do the same, send me 3 abstract words and 3 concrete words, and your snail mail address!!!, and i’ll mail YOU a postcard with my interpretation of your words and with you in mind.
you don’t have to be good at making art. in fact, i love bad art. yeah, send me bad art.”
…and so now the art is rolling in! and here’s what a sample of my postcards looked like before i sent them out.

 

I Cut Wood Like a Girl.

I used to have this great fear of the wood shop in college. I also hated walking into lumber yards. They still have that “good ole boys” feel to them that makes me and my gender feel small. However much it has been in my head, I’ve had to learn how to overcome it because, frankly, I needed to use the tools to build my painting surfaces. I realized I still had some power tool anxiety when this fellow artist dude at my last art exhibit commented on the construction of my frames. (I build the backings to all my paintings.)He said that the miter saw would give me more accurate cuts. I chatted with him how I make them with my little jigsaw and make the best of it. He then says: “But, um, I guess your wood cuts have a certain charm.”

Translation: You saw like a girl.

I grinned and nodded and then vowed that no good ole boy was going to be able to say that to me again. Take back the power in your power tools, my friends!

Enter Jean’s very own miter saw. I am playing with my new great tool: the mighty miter saw. Forty-five degree angles are so sweet. I don’t know why it took so long for me to get myself this machine. It’s a new day for me and the miter saw. Stay tuned for some out of this world wood construction!

 

Freedom of the Press

This past summer I made a homemade press using a car bottlejack, assembling some pieces of wood and metal–not without spending hours walking in circles in the black hole that can be Home Depot–and expending a little sawing sweat. I’m very proud of this DIY project (care of an article in the intermittantly useful magazine Readymade.) I’ve done a couple basic linoleum prints just trying it out but I’m ready to roll up my sleeves and really start squishing things. I’ve contemplated all things around my home that could be pressed…a soda can, apples into cider!, grapes into wine!…well, that’s a stretch), handbound books pressed together,…or the mother of all printing adventures…old school letterpress.

I took a mini 2-day workshop in the Letterpress studio at Columbia College recently. Their presses are probably from the 1920’s and were manufactured by a company named Vandercook. I learned such cute terms as quoin and quoin keys and composing sticks and arranging furniture around your type. I knew I was in the right place when someone went to the trouble of making a rubbing of Vandercook’s grave in a nearyby cemetery and then displaying it on the studio wall. Letterpress and Gravestones: my passions collide!

This relatively new process (to me) was invented (at least in the West) by good ole Gutenburg in the 1500s using a wine press similar to the one I have. Long live the freedom of the press! Sweet sweet mass produced prints for the masses. So if you see some antique letterpress equipment in a local store or you’re trying to get it off your hands, let me help you! Calling all letterpress equipment!

I am slowly acquiring my own letterpress equipment in my own space and I’ll keep you updated on this crazy project!

 

Corner Pocket

My first project as a full-time artist: sewing little pockets onto my homemade mousepad. I got tired of everything I taped on the wall crashing down or little pieces of paper getting lost under my table. A while back I sewed a couple layers of corduroy together to make a good surface to cruise my mouse around. It has served me well. I was able to make it better by sewing pockets onto the sides so that they hang off the corner of my desk! Ya-hoo. May the world never know what I was REALLY supposed to be doing while I was sewing little pockets and then blogging about it. (hehe.)The pockets were made in my true renegade intuitive fashion: No measuring, just eyeballing and adjusting as I go along.

 

How to Make a Mullet

Michael is headed to NASCAR this weekend and we wanted to make sure his passport to Indiana was in order. We were ready to begin after intense research over at the excellent website: http://mulletsgalore.com/

mullet: noun 1. a chiefly marine fish that is widely caught for food. 2. a hairstyle in which the hair is cut short at the front and sides and left long in back.

Jean: “So, Mikey, you want it short in the front and long in the back, right?” Michael: “Yeah, I wanna Mullet!”

I have never cut anyone’s hair before so a mullet request made me extra nervous. I’ve been told I have “hands of gold” with other craft projects, so why wouldn’t it extend to the realm of mullet art? Tools required: Scissors and maybe a comb. The toilet as barber’s chair will suffice. My technique was based largely on how I’ve observed hairdressers cut hair. I comb out a length of hair and grasp it between my index and middle finger. I snip across the top with the other hand. This creates an excellent textured effect if you grab small pieces at a time and work slowly around the top and sides of the head. Remember: you can’t rush perfection. We discussed how the mullet lifestyle is largely low maintenance so take special care in cutting off side hair that you would otherwise assume would be tucked behind the ear. Don’t assume gel or manual primping will keep stray strands at bay either. This is a mullet, ladies and gentleman. Notice the hair cutting form I use: raised elbows, hands kept within inches of head at all

times, basically intense mullet concentration.

Let’s get a good 360 degree look:

To add to the mullet-do, try on a handlebar mustache, like a little caterpillar reclining on his upper lip:

Do not confuse the handlebar with the closely related but culturally incompatible Fu Man Chu:

We noticed how Michael became more belligerent and turned from fine wine to corn whiskey as his hair got shorter and shorter up top.

The utterly convincing transformation has frightened me a little but Michael is surely ready for NASCAR now.

 

The Polka Dot Road Trip through the Mountains

Natasha and Jean on fiddle,

Stacie on guitar,

Camping gear, too much non-perishable food for our own good, and a polka dot car:

The makings for a road trip! We went through the Crooked Road for 6 days and five nights in a tent fending off raccoons with pepper spray and an axe. (Well, not really, but we had the means.) This road, “Virginia’s Heritage Music Trail”, located in the Southwestern corner of Virginia, brags in its brochure and website, thecrookedroad.org, various towns offering old-time and bluegrass music jams. The brochure never shed light on WHEN these jams happened but we managed to play our instruments in the campgrounds nightly…. sometimes welcomed by fellow campers when they turned their own music off to listen…but one time we were told to “turn it in.” Tsk, tsk. Those crazy Chicago girls and their wild country songs. There are several music festivals in this region that, sadly, never coincided with our haphazard itinerary.

Our first major “Crooked Road” attraction was the Ralph Stanley Museum in Clintwood, VA. At this museum, we got some “Virgina directions” to the Stanley Family Cemetery way out in the mountains in McClure, VA.

“You can go left, you can go right, but you’re gonna wanna go straight up the hill.” And up the hills we went, while enjoying such country music lyrics as “I’d like to check you for tics” and “There’s nothing as pure as the kindness of an atheist.” (Thank you to the band, Freakwater.) White-knuckled, sweaty, and nauseated from the dips and turns of mountain roads for over an hour, my spirits were at an all-time low. But the polka-dot sputtered its way to probably it’s all-time high (in elevation.) This part of the country does not have strict laws on burials on their own property–the run-off issue has been skirted thus far– so we stumbled upon quite a few small family cemeteries, psyching ourselves out for the real deal Stanley grave. “Oh, Death,” indeed.

(The wrong cemetery but worth a look-see.)

Sure enough, we took a wrong turn, not following our Virginia directions, and stumbled upon our long sought after grave–clearly, no longer in a state of “constant sorrow.”

We drove up one final hill and promptly retrieved the instruments out of the back seat. None of us knew how to play any Stanley Brothers stuff so we just sat at the Stanley Family benches and played, well, pretty much whatever. It was twangy and old-timey enough for the Stanleys, I’m sure.

We continued winding down the road (part of it the scenic Blue Ridge Parkway)…and took a few steps on the Appalachian Trail…

..we saw the Carter Family Fold briefly, the artsy hippie dippie town of Floyd with it’s famous weekly Country store jamborees (which we, of course, missed), and finally Ferrum, VA, home of Ferrum College and the Blue Ridge Institute, housing various exhibits on local folk traditions. Being the end of the Crooked Road, we thought we should play one more time by the Crooked Road sign atop the polka dot car:

Lucky for us, some Institute staff heard our playing and came out to the parking lot to take their own pictures of the Chicago girls with their polka dot car in the mountains. Here’s hoping we make next year’s brochure–or at least the local paper this week. So…after a free Ferrum College cafeteria lunch from the Institute’s director, and stimulating folk music conversation, we were invited to our first live jam of the week: children’s summer camp at the farm museum across the street. Not kidding.

Stacie and I jumped in on the barn dance while Natasha flaunted her fiddling “Soldier’s Joy” best (seated in the very center) with the band. Hundreds of miles later, we were back in Chicago like nothing ever happened.

 

Virgin Mary Appears to Me at Work

This might be old news to Chicago folks but…the Virgin Mary has been sighted at the Kennedy expressway underpass at Fullerton Ave. An altar of candles and flowers surrounds this holy image made up of salt and oil on concrete. Last week, I finally pulled my car over to visit this Mary Apparition. It has gotten a fair amount of local publicity and has been on my commute for months. For a long while I thought it was just a memorial to a fatal accident, but it has been a Marian apparition all along! I parked my car and went in for a nice close-up of Big M. With all respect, I suspect a little magic marker touch-up was done to bring out her features…we all need a little touch-up with age I suppose…

So it was interesting that another Mary manifestation entered my life a week later… I encounter lots of unexpected events, requests, projects every time I go to work (where my title is the Craft Cottage coordinator) but today was extra special.

While walking out to the parking lot today, I saw the facilities manager and maintenance worker extracting something heavy and large from the back of a truck. Behold! The Virgin Mary was being dropped at my doorstep. I suddenly recalled an email from the day before asking if I wanted to restore a statue. Whether I liked it or not, there she was. I may not be the best Catholic on earth to be called on for Mary renovations, but the responsibility now rests with Jean, Craft Cottage Coordinator.

Before leaving, the maintenance worker rummaged around in the truck and procured the Virgin Mary’s detached thumb…surely broken in transit.

I giggled in awe at the heavy stone/concrete thumb rolling around in my palm. After negotiating the proper location for Mary with the workers, I quickly ran into the main building to proclaim the arrival of Mary… with her thumb, of course, proudly raised in the air! To prove that the art lady was not a crazy prophet, I took a group out to visit her and prove her existence. All afternoon, the thumb safely stayed in the pocket of my apron like a little rabbit’s foot.

My task now is to return Mary to her proper state. She has obviously had a botched nose job.

Her missing index finger also indicates her current disqualification for the military.

I’d like to think Mary is in no hurry to acquire a prosthetic trigger finger. One fellow employee has advised me to get some epoxy for her thumb and that I can build a new finger for her. I’m also currently investigating ways to strip it of its chipping coat of paint. Are there any stone sculpture renovators out there? I’ve already been told it is NOT okay to paint her in polka dots. I would never do something so tacky-ahem- but I’m open to hearing other ideas. How can I best restore Our Lady of Crafts???

Since Mary has arrived the last day of work at the Craft Cottage before I depart on my little road trip, I think it’s only fair that Mary’s thumb sits shotgun on my trip to Virginia next week. With Mary’s thumb’s blessings, the polka-dot car will surely hold up well enough in Appalachia and we won’t need to “thumb” any rides.

 

3 minute scarf

“That is the most Jean Fitzgerald photograph I’ve ever seen….you know, sans Polka-dot car.”-Natasha. This was taken at the Swap-o-rama-rama in  good ole Chicago. I arrived Saturday at the event with my dear friend, Liz, pictured to the left of the giant mound of free and amazing clothes:

I did put on a personal small-scale clotheswap in my own home a few weeks ago as featured earlier in this blog but that pales in comparison to this event. This specific Chicago Swap-o-rama-rama -there have been many held in other cities- served as a fundraiser for a newly proposed school called Three Sisters Folk Art School to be located outside Chicago. Their tag line was “Creators not Consumers” and they described the event as “part Project Runway…part clothing swap…learn to turn  “fiber trash” into wearable treasure.”  I can get into that…old clothes manipulated on the sewing machines and then displayed on the runway in celebration of the thrift.

Here is a quick clip from the founders of the Swap-o-rama-rama:

and yes that was a cyberdundant move of me…

At that event I learned how to make way cool earrings (tba at a later post), silkscreening techniques, loom demos, and my favorite…the 3 minute scarf!

First, I gathered random shreds of yarn, especially the fluffy, poofy kind. I cut them at unscientific lengths that I thought sufficed. I suppose you could shred a t-shirt or other non-fraying fabric into your desired length as well.

Then I knotted them randomly, I mean, intuitively, together. The more knotting you do, the shorter your scarf length will become.

Presto! A scarf in just minutes from scraps of yarn.

Although, I ‘ve been altering and knotting while at stoplights and in line at the grocery store— I guess it’s the 3-minute scarf that reincarnates.

 

Never go to the stationery store again!

 

As requested, here’s how to make an envelope from a random or not so random piece of paper. At the end, you will also be able to make a re-moistenable glue recipe for sealing the envelope! This “not so secret trade-secret” was used in my greeting card set that is currently featured at jeanfitz.etsy.com.

First off, put your ruler away. Just some scrap paper, scissors and good ole school glue is all you need to start. Just as I dislike using measuring cups in such recipes like my intuitive hummus, I also dislike using rulers to make paper stuff. A lack of a ruler builds character.

1.) First, figure out what it is you want to envelop (Greeting card, folded letter, etc.) and have it on hand. You will use it to gauge the size of your envelope. Gauge, not measure!  2.) Now, figure out what you want the envelope to be made out of…your 2nd grade report card, your parking ticket, sheet music, or my personal favorite: old maps. Tear a magazine page or snatch that pretty wallpaper sample. It’s more pleasurable to open an envelope made out of a stronger/thicker paper then the item you’re enveloping so choose wisely.

3.)Figure out which side is the prettiest or what you want to show on the outside and turn that face down. Place your card or item you’re choosing to envelop on top of the envelope sheet. Turn it at an angle so that all four corners are within the boundaries of your bottom sheet. It should be as centered as possible but don’t worry about perfection, that’s for those ruler toting folks. Ick! 4.) Now fold and crease each triangle corner up to the edges of your card. Yes, flush with the edge…almost as if it was, ahem, the ruler. Remove the card from inside and open your four flaps.

5. This is the tricky part. Use scissors to cut out each corner where the flaps overlapped. (See picture. I’ve colored in black marker where you should cut.) The creases will also guide you. I like to cut a curved shape so it looks more envelope-y. Make sure you don’t cut past where the folds come to a corner. That is the corner of your envelope…unless, of course, you’re being artsy and want exposed corners. By all means, rebel.

6. Then I figure out which flap is going to be the flap that opens and which 3 flaps will be sealed. I place a thin line of glue on the edges of the three bottom flaps that overlap. Don’t use too much glue and don’t glue your envelope shut! Sometimes I trim the pointed edges to center the flaps and make it look even. Just do what feels right. I also slide the card in to ensure my proper size is in tact and that I wasn’t folding, cutting and gluing for 3 minutes in vain.

While this is drying, you can prepare another great recipe. Homemade re-moistenable glue! The stuff you lick to seal the deal! And we can make it taste good! You will need to have some Gelatin (I have the Knox brand) on hand (1/4oz), sugar (1tbsp), some water (1/4 cup), and maybe some food flavoring/essential oil (1tsp). The sweet basil I used is lick-tastic! I have no cognitive dissonance whatsoever about using gelatin- which is ground up cow hooves and other animal tissues- and still claiming my vegetarianism. Fact: I won’t eat flesh but I’ll lick cow feet. If there is a vegan re-moistenable glue you can make at home, please tell me!

I use the double boiler method to make my glue.

To keep your leftover glue for next time, I mix all the above ingredients together in a margarine container or other disposable plastic.  Boil water in a pan big enough to let the container float inside.  Gelatin becomes solid quickly when it cools off so I take the whole pan over to my envelope workstation while it’s still warm and gooey. Mind the strange glue smell, just tell people it’s an art thing and they’ll nod silently and leave you alone. Re-heat your double boiler pan again if it hardens. Take a small paintbrush and apply the glue to the edge of the opened flap.  Voila!

Be sure to let everything dry thoroughly before stacking them up!

You only need to make a little batch of this stuff so don’t start boiling your water and then walk away like I do and check your blog stats and completely forget what it is you’re making and find an empty pan of steam 15 minutes later.

Happy Envelope Making! And if you put crazy flavoring in the glue, inform your licker…or not.